Arise To Zion Ministries
Beautiful Are the Eyes of My Beloved Fragmented Wings He Whispers to Me Not Becoming the Hated
Slimed at the Movies Something Desires To Come Ashore Inside Her
The MessengerArrived From A Distant Place The Source Filled E m p t y s Gone to the Movies The Living Back-Pack P
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Beautiful are the eyes of my Beloved
Flecks of colored notes play the song that beckons;
“Come deeper into the melody—realize
the magnitude of the depths of my love for you.
You are my accompanist
The oneness of our accord!
The harmony of our melodious soul’s composition
as we move into one another…
thinking about too much; resolving nothing.
Allowing my feet a kinder rhythm, choosing with purpose
not to have any, briefly,
-for just a moment
stopping.
It was the dance that caught me, enticing me,
NO! –taking me
to be even more than merely
a distant spectator.
So, crouching down, joining through wonderful
senses
the world thriving beneath our feet
--despite--
the oils, grime, toxins and odious refuse of the roadside.
The ever so present
roughly
with the stained puddle! Ripples and swirls
two-stepping all over it!
A speckled feather and the right wing of a butterfly
-both caught mercilessly-
pulling my jacket closed,
bracing
as the wind tries to tickle me further
Thinking—June—opening shop—bring a little more warmth, please.
Walking hard again,
He beckons me to rest in His arms and be quietly sure of His strength—
for my life,
my well being,
my best outcome.
I am ‘His Song’ He tells me—and my heart leaps like the gazelle runs.
Can I believe that?
I so desire it—Can it be?
He whispers again, “My covenant with you is written in blood…
Mine.
You can believe!”
Joy unspeakable and
full of glory
settles into all my dark doubtful places…
All the years under the words of degradation
and disdain
which were spoken over me are annihilated in that…
He chose me to be His beloved!
…And that
…He whispers to me
The intruding knock at the door, of course
Melina answered, inviting in the wild haired, barefoot boy
He raced into the living room, sat down, to wait
I welcomed him in to join us—he shook his head, eyes down
I, insisted—he reluctantly lumbered in…
Pants too long, shredded, filthy, frayed holes showing age and wear, not chic design
Shirt stained and ready for recycle
Hands and feet totally untended, crud imbedded amid various cuts and bruises
Sitting across the table, I purveyed his face
Pain, abuse and neglect mutate as a youth grows…
By 17, hatred, wrath, cynical desperation are in control
…But there was something more within these eyes
--Intelligence—and beyond the stone walls of his heart, tenderness
The remark I made seemed to just blurt out from some
knowing news station within me
I never saw or heard about this young man, yet…
“So it is settled then?” (He looked questioningly, deeply into my eyes)
I answered, “You have decided to become what you hate. Life has treated you miserably…
Let me guess, alcoholics, drug users, your parents?”
He—looked jarred, exposed, torn
“Listen, life is once. You only get one shot at it, you know? Not fair you may think. Cards stacked against you- but we all have our crosses to bear. It is really about how we respond to the crap.”
“I just quit school today, signed myself out for good…”
Three hours of talk that night, a mother’s loving heart at work
Never saw him again
Then one evening while on line at the grocery store, Grand Union—how ironic—
A tap on the shoulder
Dressed meticulously in a fine navy suit, hair short, perfect
Excited!
“I can’t believe I see you here tonight of all nights! Wow! You probably don’t remember me but you changed my life. I came to your house one night and had dinner with you and Melina…? I just graduated --tonight —Valedictorian of my class!
I will be a doctor. I just wanted to thank you for caring and letting me make sense of my life. Thank you so much.”
embracing, both choking back tears—such a brief encounter…
“Thank you for letting me know how you are doing. You look wonderful! I am beyond words! Keep up the good work!”
Turning back to his friends, leaving, saying, “That’s the lady I spoke about tonight. That’s her!
self-hatred can die…
After service one Sunday, a woman came up to me and said that God showed her that if I prayed for her son God would touch and heal him. I didn’t know her or her son so I asked her about the son. She told me he was a crack addict and has been for 3 years. She added that he was living in the woods for the past 2 years.
I explained that I had never been an addict so I didn’t understand why I would be God’s choice for the young man’s healing. (I had always thought that alcoholics go back and help alcoholics and drug addicts –drug addicts, etc. It wasn’t until I was involved in the care of the crack addicts that I understood that the demonic strongholds were mostly rooted in the threefold spirits of rejection; i.e. self-rejection, the fear of rejection and rejection in general.) Of course those spirits and I were well acquainted.
I am always willing to help if it is what the Lord would have me do. So I asked her if she would go with me to seek the Pastor’s counsel. We explained this all to him and then we prayed together with his wife joining us. We all felt that it was the Lord’s will for me to go to her home and speak to the son.
He was at her home for the past two days because he got into a fight with a dealer and the guy beat him up pretty bad. He went to the hospital and was diagnosed with a concussion.
When we arrived he was lying on the sofa in the living room. I introduced myself to him and told him that all I wanted to do was pray with him. He asked me what good it would do. I said that I just like to give God a chance to show up—He does whatever He wants.
I prayed a simple prayer, asking God to touch him at his very point of need, and declaring God’s love for him, etc.
This guy began to freak out! He started to cry and hugged me. He said he never felt anything like that before in his life! He felt LOVE and wanted to be able to do what I did for other people! He got so excited! So I prayed the sinner’s prayer with him and he wept like a little child. I was crying too.
We were still in the flow of the Spirit when his mother interrupted with a nasty flow of words I have a hard time penning here. I will just sum it up by saying that she had been hurt by the son so often that she didn’t believe that he had just received the Lord.
I asked my husband to come outside for a moment. When we were out of earshot I said, “I really don’t think we should leave him here with her.”
My husband replied, “You want to take him home with us, don’t you?” I nodded.
He said, “Well, it was and still is your house. What can I say?” (When we were married, he had no property and I owned the house and car…)
So I agreed and the son became like a son to me. He followed me around like a young child and I told him stories of the Spirit all day long. He ate the Word of God, even though he had difficulty reading, God gave him the grace and everything he read, he understood and enjoyed. He learned so much in two weeks that I was simply amazed.
Then, one day at around
I was going through a plethora of emotions at first. Hoping against the worst and pacing back and forth in the living room praying and speaking in tongues.
The Lord spoke to me and said, “He is mine. He is all right. Intercede for him to be mighty in Me.”
My husband came home a little later and said that crack-cocaine addicts have such a low rate of success that they are not accepted in most rehabilitation programs. He made it very clear that he was not surprised that he had left. I was battling against discouragement and feelings that a Mother has when her own child is in danger.
At around
The friends he brought home were all crack-cocaine addicts he knew from the streets. He went back out and wanted to get them saved and filled with the Holy Spirit like he was! How could I say they couldn’t stay?
He came bouncing in the room and declared, “Mom! Look at what I did! I told everybody I could about how Jesus saved me! AND about how you’re helping me! These friends want a Mom too!”
So we made sleeping arrangements, but ended up staying up until
18 months later they were all ‘placed’ back into society, cleaned up and filled with the Spirit. One of the girls was a care-giver and I found her a live-in position with a couple who still lived in their home. Another loved horses and I helped her get a position where she was given a small trailer to live in while she cared for horses on a large farm.
The others have similar stories…
A year and a half later I had sold the house, split up with my husband, and was living with my parents while attending ministry school. One night I had an incredible dream experience. I was standing in a public place that I didn’t recognize, surrounded by people with microphones pushed into my face, cameras flashing amid a crazy hubbub of questions.
It was extremely difficult to focus on any one of the questions that were being shouted at me all at the same time. I was groggy and felt strangely removed. I finally heard one person ask, "Don’t you have anything to say?”
I answered, “Yes.” Everyone got very quiet then. I looked into the camera and said, “Matt James, I call you forth from the darkness. Come home to me, Matt. I need you for my ministry.”
And I woke up abruptly.
The next morning was a Saturday and I told my Mom all about the dream. A few minutes after I finished relating it to her the phone rang. I was close to it and she asked me to answer it, which I rarely ever did. I said, “Hello.” A voice on the other end said, “Mom? Can you come and get me? It is very dark here, I need you.” It was Matt.
I did everything I could to help him. He had backslidden and was again ready to serve the Lord. One Saturday a month or so later, we were at the movies. It was a movie about a guardian angel “falling in love” with his assigned person.
The falling in love was pure lust and was horrible. During a scene where the woman was bathing, the angel was staring and lusting after her and suddenly I saw this demon throwing slime out over the audience! I yelled, “I plead the Blood of Jesus over me!” I said, “Matt, plead the Blood! It is demonic! Protect yourself!”
Instead, he laughed at me and told me to be quiet, I was interrupting the movie. Other people told me to shoosh as well. I wept in my heart. I had a feeling of foreboding that I couldn’t shake.
Three days later Matt went back to the streets. I went after him but he couldn’t make it he said. I cried so many tears for him then and I always will until he returns to the Kingdom…
Psalm 101:3 says, I will set no wicked thing before my eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
In order to ensure that it will not cleave to you if an evil thing comes before your eyes, you must number one, see it for what it is and repent for not guarding your gates, second, declare who you are in Christ by pleading the blood over yourself.
I saw that vision in a crowded movie theatre and instinctively shouted a battle cry. When the cry went not only unheeded, but also mocked, the person was left open to the attack of the enemy.
The church has been pleading for years for the Lord to open the eyes of our hearts[1]…are your eyes open to see things as they are? If not, keep praying for your eyes to become kingdom eyes and be opened to see!
The holy angels are not to be trifled. We must honor God by always having respect for them. Let’s look to Luke 1:11-20 for a verification of this spiritual law:
11 And there appeared unto him an angel of the Lord standing on the right side of the altar of incense. 12 And when Zacharias saw him, he was troubled, and fear fell upon him. 13 But the angel said unto him, Fear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elisabeth shall bear thee a son, and thou shalt call his name John. 14 And thou shalt have joy and gladness; and many shall rejoice at his birth. 15 For he shall be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink; and he shall be filled with the Holy Ghost, even from his mother’s womb. 16 And many of the children of
Angels stand before the Almighty Holy God! We cannot look at God and live. We are so much lower than God! And we are lower than the angels.
There is no grace for angels. They have not tasted redemption and they have seen 1/3rd of the Kingdom fall away. What a nice way of saying that! Falling away…God removed all of Himself from them. So, what remained is the purity of evil.
We must guard our gates. (senses) We must not set any evil thing before our eyes. Anything that defiles holy beings like angels, we should not be partakers of.
And---since we are to be holy like He is holy, we should never look at pornography, lewd behavior, dancing, entertaining, etc. It is not to be viewed because we are to respect people too. Not just for the act of us not “sinning” by doing something we are taught is wrong. One important factor of the wrong is the disrespect of another person. This is the essence of the sin.
The devil is boasting when people behave that way.
Intending to go deeper, further, more telling;
~To invade the soft secret places…
If she determines to stop it she tires so from the wall building
If she endeavors to entertain it she can come dangerously close
to becoming what she hates.
So she allows it to come without entertaining it—
~But takes measures to redirect it
She takes from it what she must—then sends it packing.
Now, the soft secret places have grown from the words of insult—
~instead of hardening or becoming common.
I would miss you even if I’d never met you
This longing goes on inside me and it cannot be quenched
As the first sounds of the morning tickle me and I rouse
You
are my first thought
I go to meet you in my heart
—for that is where you are
Before you came to me I looked at life through jaded eyes…
its meaning was hidden from me
my purpose and I unacquainted
my identity incomplete
I --was utterly alone
Blinding, Binding
Hatred with direction—
Knowing the way home
The life she built—
Deemed inadequate
She had no tools for life building.
Changing direction—
It seems she has a penchant for building
after all…
Expertly built walls are now being erected around her heart—
No one comes in,
from a distant place,
Helpless
-even… seemingly misplaced
But the stars saw the coming!
Announcing the arrival with shouts
of brightness!
The winds noised it abroad,
cheering, singing exuberantly.
His message was both free
and costly
Freely given then costing
all
Some received because of the outward signs—
others the inner peace
Some rejected with opposing views…
they feared pure love-
And decided _______
unraveled, strewn
all over the lawn
…which is now high, scorched and in need of immediate attention
--We were on vacation--
enjoying the pleasures the world has to offer--
I connected the dry, cracked hose to the water source,
picked it up and stretched it out
all over the lawn
The pattern of dead grass—clearly pressed out—
Looked like a mad artist, in a frenzy had used his medium
to create death swirls
all over the lawn
I turned on the water and sprays went out
from every crack and break
--the integrity of the hose had been compromised
As I walked back to the water source- to turn it off,
I thought;
“If I don’t stay hooked up to the source of my life sustaining flow,
If I turn aside and partake in the pleasures of my flesh,
I will dry up—
I too will lose my integrity,
And the enemy of my soul will paint swirls of death
Searched and did
Tried and cried…
over and for
so many e m p t y s ;
Empty goals, relationships, dreams, truths…
Yes, e m p t y truths
……….Then I met Him……….
He is love truth life
Not a concept given or contrived
I don’t have to
do—only be—in Him
I don’t have to
try—only thrive—under His wing
I don’t have to
So grateful, I went alone.
Why must they demand laughter at such human tragedy?
Simply because they wrapped it up so neatly in the mundane?
Is there anything we should find funny
about a husband bullying his wife?
Sharing my aggravation over the film
I am shocked at getting berated
“Get over yourself!” the “well wisher”
exclaimed in breathless exasperation.
“I am.” I reply.
“But now it is like weeping
for the pain of someone
with anger on her side.
What an ally!
She makes her way through life
Cannot receive -- arms full
Cannot go far -- carries too much
Looking closer, no, it is not a back-pack
It is a child riding piggy-back
Unheeded and uncelebrated, she wails
Her cries cannot be silenced
Many notice,
shake their heads, move away
Finally she is forced into to dealing with the child…
Putting her down,
crouching, she faces her-
Comforts her
Looking like a polished legal team before trial.
Body language…evidence that there is more
to their demanding, throaty chittering.
One leaves abruptly, circling upward, deftly climbing the wind’s plateaus to
reach the coign of vantage.
Observing him observing, purveying, commanding all he sees with piercing clarity
diving fearlessly--swooping, talons poised with anticipation
Ragweed, bulrushes and dried grass and dirt erupting in frenzied furor—
Clutching at, grasping for, but not counting on the bravado and ingenuity of the tiny squirrel.
(Running wildly into the side of the dead tree, escaping lunch
with only minor injuries…)
Noised about by the other two—haughty and judgmental!
Joy bursting forth from my soul at the missed opportunity!
Bird watching can be gruesome…
Born poor
Sickly
So very needy
Discouragement, self-hatred, stress
and fear
rule the infested
household
Tyrants both real
and imagined
unmoving in their demands
Disease invades…
On both fronts-one physical and one emotional
One against Mother one against Father
Both succumb to their respective diseases
One lost to death of the body
One lost to death of the soul
Children look out of orphanage windows waiting,
needing,
wanting
clinging to one another
One small child cries out to God
for a Mom and Dad
to come for him
His prayer is answered.
On his way to
New language,
new land,
new experience-love
But brothers are missing,
crying for them
in the night
Mom and Dad go back for one brother
and a new family
emerges
from the original
A third boy is located and nearby too!
Brothers reunion!
Joy !
…with no memories of why
~Blood connects~
The disease of the soul
Attacks, tricks,
peer-pressure
unexplained pain
The very thing that
destroyed an entire family
embraced by the young men
~Blood connects~
Love and acceptance
should have dethroned
discouragement, self-hatred, stress and fear
And any other demons that prey on the family
Some Make Their Afflictions as an Idol
She was one of the kindest most loving women I have ever known and I still love and miss her…
Once while laboring in her home, I was praying for her and the Lord gave me a vision of her walking without help and quite steadily! I was elated and I ran in to tell her. She shared in my excitement and we bowed our heads and prayed.
It was almost a full year later but the vision came to pass. It was very difficult for me to pick up this elderly woman. I had to lift her up out of her wheelchair, get her into my car, (which is a tiny sports car), lift the wheelchair into my small trunk, tie the trunk lid down, get to church and do it all again twice more and then again on arrival back to her home.
Despite the difficulty, I felt she was worth the effort so we went to church together every Sunday. She had gone to the Christian Retreat for many years and then got offended…
(Offense; it keeps you separated from the Lord and is a very effective tool of the enemy against the saints of God.)
After listening to her story I ministered to her and she was able to forgive and finally return to the church. I felt that it was very important to get her to church, indeed. This one particular Sunday was special because The Clark Family was going to be the guest ministers. Freddy
The Clark Family led the worship and it was wonderful. When the offerings and announcements were finished Freddy was introduced to minister. After a few minutes of speaking, he came down off of the platform and walked right up to my elderly friend.
He proclaimed, “You are going to receive a miracle today!”
She squealed with delight!
He pointed to me and said, “And she saw it in a vision and the two of you agreed in prayer for it to happen!”
At this point, I jumped up and yelled, “Yes!” with my fist thrust into the air as in victory of God.
He then just reached down and took her feeble hands and said, “Rise up and walk. You are a daughter of the Most High God! Healing and victory over all things is your right!”
And incredibly, she did! She walked all around that church sanctuary! He held her elbow and said that she would get stronger with each step.
But what was happening was so sad to me that it is still difficult for me to pen now…
She was speaking word curses over herself the entire time she was walking. She was saying things like: “Well, I’m doing this now, but I’ll never be able to do it again.” and, I can’t walk, I never could, this is temporary at best.”
I was weeping as Freddy said to her, “It is now your responsibility to hold on to your healing. You must believe that what is happening is real and is for you right now as well as for your future. Only believe. You could start right now by speaking positively.”
Her response was, “I’ll never walk again, this is too hard for me. I never could walk.”
And she sat down in that wheelchair and never walked again.
I could hardly contain myself until I could get alone with the Lord. I wept so bitterly at the unbelief that I felt nauseous. I asked the Lord what had happened. I reminded Him that I had been praying for nearly a year for this and I believed it! Couldn’t my faith help her? There was a story in the Bible about the friends of an infirmed man being let down through the roof to get to the Lord. It was the faith of the friends that moved on the heart of the Lord for his healing.
The Lord replied to me, “Linda, some, make their afflictions as an idol.”
Immediately, I understood. Like a down load of information into a computer. I got it.
Everyone gave her attention. Everyone always tried to help her. Everyone pitied her, often making her the center of attention. Oh my Lord, I thought! She kept pity, the most debasing sentiment of all, over healing. Sure, the healing would require effort. She would more than likely have to do exercises, physical therapy, the whole thing. And then she would be just like everyone else…
In the image of the one in Heaven
Blueprints given for building one in stone
For worship, intimacy with God
The outer courts—a good beginning
Desires to go in further; strong
Inner courts; more wondrous, secrets found here
The curtain between you and the Holy of Holies…
For thousands of years only select ones entered
The Spirit of God limited to coming upon
No residence within—the curtain there too
Prophets telling of the indwelling to come
The only Worthy One came to make a way
The ultimate sacrifice given
The mercy seat; acceptable blood applied
All temple curtains were rent
Three hours of utter darkness, earthquakes, total upheaval
Time was split—spaces, gaps bridged
The patient God who waited, man who desperately desired
Finally the indwelling is possible
The Kingdom of God established
Continuous manifestations are bringing us to
and violent outbursts of her childhood—
The “belt-licken’s”,
“hair pullin’s”, and
“head-knucklin’s”…
(In front of whoever happened to be there when her father “lost it”)
--turned to anger --
(which had an appetite for explosive wrath)
--with a furious zeal
(that manifested seemingly on its own)
She, never quite realizing just how much like
him
Unpretentious, Simplicity, surety,
--Fluidity of movement
The ease of his grin-
(it exploded into magnificent art when he laughed!)
His eyes
-- The Song --
Ever inviting mine to be their harmony…
But only tears fall now at thoughts of him…
-- REGRET --
The most bitter torment.
Seven grueling blocks to kick—all the problems, people, hurts
Falling asleep there—after polishing off the bottle—after closing the bar
School children staring, laughing as he kicked past the bus stop
—up the second block
Steep hill, climbing and kicking—every artery throbbing their complaints
to his head
Head screaming that, ‘It is all just too much and your cowardice ruled again.’ Taunts continue, ‘All the pain and misery could stop forever—in an instant…’
Halfway up, unable to continue—body done—leaning on somebody’s mailbox; white, empty
Two cars—one of them told him, “Jesus loves you!”
Head reminding him, —‘Jesus alone in that.’
Silent prayer—simple in its desperation—“God if you’re real—these people will help me.”
Waiting—as though someone just might run out—rescuers
—knowing all needs, fixing every broken thing…
But no, too many moments pass—Head mocking again, condemning
—proving hope to be false.
Openly weeping—ever so briefly, even that—useless, nonconsoling
Anger rising to replace the total and complete rejection
—absolute futility then invades anger
Hearing from Head again about that instant
Roles reversing—the rock now dragging him home—block after block…
Rock slaps face-first into the side of the boarded up house—home
Life from the basement; dank, musty, steel beams, cinder blocks
Rodents committed to maintaining their authority as masters of the space
Smoking into deep sleep—smoke bringing the pretense of bliss…
Waking; the grog.
Throat on fire, lungs filling from the drip, fever, chills…walk-in clinic tomorrow
—for sure
TV preacher telling about God loving the homeless, drug users
—people in the waiting room watching distractedly
Lady next to him saying time is short—2nd coming is soon—his wounded hope groans…heart sick, he half listens to her talk about her God
She needs a guitar teacher—he needs the bucks—giving her his number
Much can happen in two long hopeless days and he was entering that instant…
Phone ringing, jarring—cheap and full of static—bringing a concerned voice in to …step in
Lady from the clinic saying, “I was just praying and God said to call you. Are you all right?”
Guitar lessons unimportant to either now—helping; picking him up
Racing to hide the gun—beating it down to the corner deli—meeting her
Going to eat—then a concert—tomorrow’s another day…now
After—late; inviting him to see the guitar—new, beautiful, wanting to be played
As he is introduced to hope!
Recognizing first the large white mailbox where leaning he’d prayed—the rock waiting ruefully
His yelling continuing, hope surging…
She—trying to quiet him for the late hour—he ignoring, exploding from the car to see the bumper sticker
—There had been two cars—this one told him Jesus loves him!
